Does Bad Apple Always Equal Bad Parent?

Brace yourselves people, because I'm about to question something that we as a society have been saying over and over for years and years, you know the quotes: "Your children will become what you are, so be what you want them to be." Do you know who said this infamous quote? No? Neither did I.  So I looked it up. His name is David Bly, a politician from Minnesota. Here's another one: "A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone", said Billy Graham, a Christian evangelist. And then there's the old German proverb: "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I call bullshit.  Someone picked my apples from my tree and chucked them so far away from my tree that I can't even see my apples anymore.  

These quotes drive me crazy because they are very good at making parents like me feel like we are doing the most horrible job, raising the most horrible people on the planet Earth, who will one day inevitably grow up to take our place as the most horrible person on planet Earth, and pass the title on to their children, and their children's children, and so on. Can we just stop with these quotes for a minute, please? While I do agree that to some extent that our children are learning from us, I'm fully convinced that children must also have a switch or a button somewhere in their brain that changes them from our sweet, innocent, little babies, into big babies whose vocabulary changes into only 1 word; "me! me! me!"  

So I ask, what about us parents who are doing everything in our being to show our kids how to be responsible, independent, amazing adults, and our kids take a crap on our examples like yesterday's trash? What about us parents who take the time everyday to explain to our kids the difference between right and wrong, who try to show our kids that the world doesn't revolve around them, that there are actually other people who inhabit this planet. Us parents who don't buy our kids every single thing they ask for? Us parents who put our kids in charge of their own laundry to evoke a sense of responsibility, and we haven't seen them do a load of laundry in weeks. What about us parents who try to involve our kids in fun family activities like pumpkin picking, cookie baking, movie watching, christmas-music listening, christmas-tree decorating, neighbor helping, family helping, volunteering, to instill all of those warm fuzzies so that said children don't grow up feeling neglected and resentful? What about us? We do our damnedest every day to show our kids respect, humility, humbleness, responsibility, accountability, kindness, all the goods, but our children still can't get past the fact that this life is about more than just them. Please cut us parents some slack and realize that we are doing everything in our power to raise self-sufficient, kind, loving adults. And please don't blame us if they don't turn out to be exactly like your quotes say they should be. 

To all of the parents out there who feel like you've lost your apples,  I want to share with you one of my favorite sayings about parenting. This helps me get through the days where I feel like squishing up my apples and making a heaping bowl of applesauce!

"I am NOT your friend. I am your parent. I will stalk you. Flip out on you. Lecture you. Drive you insane. Be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed, because I LOVE YOU. When you understand that, I will know you're a responsible adult who will never find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than me. This is my promise to you." 

Guess who said this one? Author unknown. Whoever came up with this, you are brilliant, and I have the feeling you were going through some of these same times in your life too. So, thanks for keeping it real. 

Never Stop Being The Guy With Barbie Dolls In His Pockets

Tonight I found myself at Target, which is where I'm found most Sundays.  Whether it's to wander around aimlessly kid-free for a bit to get my head straight for Monday, or to grab a few last minute items needed for the week ahead, which tonight included hair gel, shampoo and conditioner, and milk.

But tonight's trip was different.  Every aisle I went up I kept running into this young couple, probably in their early 20's.  In their cart sat a tiny toddler, maybe 2 years old.  The little girl was of course doing toddler things; screaming, whining, gabbing, but what kept catching me off guard was the way this guy was talking to his wife (yes, they both had rings on so I'm assuming this was a husband and wife and their baby girl).  I ran into them in the shampoo aisle and she was admiring some headbands, commenting on how cute she thought her hair would look styled with one of them.  I sat there shopping, ok eavesdropping, as he said to her; "babe, you know what?  We aren't leaving this store without one of those headbands.  I'm serious, you will look beautiful!"  It tugged at my heart. Up and down the aisles he followed her while she did her aimless shopping.  Make up, finger nail polish, you could tell that he was just happy to be there, toddler-mess and all.  She was the only woman in Target to him tonight.

I finished up my shopping and was at the register, when I heard the infamous song from Frozen, "Let it Go" start playing.  I looked around trying to find where the music was coming from and as I walked toward the exit, there it was.  The same couple was walking out in front of me.  The guy was holding the toddler in one hand.  His other hand was wrapped tightly around his wife.  He leaned in and kissed her hard on her temple.  She rested her head on his shoulder.  And there in his back pocket were Anna and Elsa barbie dolls, singing "Let it go.  Let it go.  Don't hold it back anymore".  This was love at it's finest.

I guess my reason for feeling the need to blog about this is because marriage is hard.  Like, real damn hard.  Families are hard.  Struggles are hard and usually daily.  Running businesses and being a grown up and paying bills are all hard.  But I think at some point, we were all this same couple once. Madly in love, the only 2 people in the store, the couple that people watched adoringly.  Sometimes you show up at Target on a Sunday night, just to be reminded that this couple still exists.  We can all be that couple, if we choose to be.  So ladies, rest your heads on your dude's shoulder.  And dudes, never stop being the guy who carries around barbies in his back pocket.  xoxo

Well this was fun...(insert sarcasm)

So, remember how excited I was to get the kids' pictures taken with the mall Santa?? Ya, bagged that idea real quick! Instead, I decided to take them to a local photographer that is pretty much the same price as the mall Santa, but with better photos. The idea of the session is pretty cool: It's quick-which is great when you have 1 year old twins in tow!  You can choose to have them sit with the Santa they have there, or you can have one of the parents dress up in Santa gear, and be in the pictures (from the beard down). Super cool!  Their reasoning is that usually the kids won't cry if they know it's just mommy or daddy in a costume. Of course, Jeff jumped at the chance to play Santa and have his picture taken with the kids. 

Exhibit A:

Everything was going swimmingly, until "Santa" put the beard on his face. The girls wanted NOTHING to do with him!  Well, mainly Cali wanted nothing to do with him! 

Exhibit B:

And C:

We looked like a bunch of damn fools trying to get that baby to smile. Heck, I would have settled for frowny!  

Once our sesh was over, dad got changed back into his normal clothes, and that baby was SO SO happy, she clung to him the rest of the night. I'm pretty sure she was thinking: "I don't know who that fat guy was with that white crap all over his face-but I'm A-ok if I don't ever see him again, mmmkay?!"

As frustrating and as sad as I was that we didn't get pictures of the girls smiling, and despite the fact that one of the brothers bailed on the picture-taking festivities, I love these pictures!  They captured who our girls are and they show a loving and protective big brother and a dad who would dress up as Santa for a chance to be in on the action with the kids. We will have great memories with these pictures and I will love them forever! Tears and all!! xoxo

Eff the Elf!

Do you know what I don't like?  I don't like the Elf on the Shelf.  Not one bit.  Don't get me wrong, I am not a Scrooge.  I liked him just fine in the beginning.  Like 3 years ago.  But now, he's just getting on my damn nerves!

What started out as a fun little tradition has turned my December into a month of headache!  Thanks to Pinterest and friends from school with parents who are obviously cooler and more creative than we are, we now have created an Elf-fiasco!

Our Elf, Smiley, used to just move around from counter to counter, room to room and hang out in the most obvious of places.  Not any more.  Now he has to have new Elf clothes each year to keep up with the other Elves that they hear about at school.  He can't just come and chill on the counter anymore, he has to be tied up, held hostage by other toys, making dinner, playing in the ingredients (that's not messy at all!), taking a marshmallow bath in the sink-and I don't keep marshmallows on hand, so that one called for a late-night trip to the store! Zip-lining, pulling underwear out of drawers, running toilet paper all over the damn house, building lego towers, making an Elf-angel in flour on the countertop......For the love people!  I can't keep up!  And my favorite part is that each night, the kids now write Smiley letters to take to Santa.....and they expect a RESPONSE!!  So now I have to learn to write and speak Elf!!  EFF!

And then come the mornings when Smiley wasn't in a new crazy predicament because Mom and Dad were too damn tired and forgot to move him.  We have used the following excuses: "There must have been a horrible storm at the North Pole and Smiley couldn't get home last night to report to Santa, so he just stayed here."  "I guess you guys were too naughty and he didn't want to tell Santa on you!"  "Smiley must have been too sick to fly to the North Pole last night.  Poor guy."  Ya, we are horrible parents.

Can we just go back to the simpler times?  Like, I don't want to rack my brain every night trying to come up with a new Elf-story.  I don't want to do it.  It's not fun anymore.  I miss the days when my Elf just sat on the shelf, with his little Elf smirk and his little Elf hat.  And everything wasn't such a big production.  Let's go back I say!  Either that, or one morning Smiley might not return, and the only thing the kids will find is a little tiny letter from a little tiny Elf, who had to return to the North Pole for good, because Santa needed him to help make more toys!  (Of course, that won't really happen, but what I'm trying to say is Eff this damn Elf business!)

Here is where Smiley is hanging out tonight.  Because we are lazy.  Happy Elf-ing December!

This is what 12k looks like

Why do we as women have such a strong desire to have babies?  I know not every woman feels this way, but the ones who do know exactly what I'm talking about.  It's a deep, burning desire that is only filled by a tiny little flicker of a heartbeat inside of your body.  The heartbeat of a little babe.

I got pregnant with Z when I was 20, and with D when I was 23.  It was easy.  Effortless, really.  My sons were my whole world and I loved them more than anything.  Still do.  But I took for granted how easy these babies were brought into my life.  We decided we wanted kids, and we had kids.

Fast forward 10 years, a new life, a new husband, and along with that, a new desire had risen in me to have another baby.  My husband didn't have any children of his own, and we knew right away that we both wanted a baby together.  We decided to start trying the month after we were married, and guess what?  We got pregnant the very first month!  I know, over-achievers! "Whew, that was easy!"  Except that it wasn't.  We lost that sweet little life at 18 weeks and we were beyond devastated.  I felt completely empty.  Alone.  Lost.

Fast forward 3 years, countless medical tests and procedures, and there we were, no answers and no baby.  So what do you do when your desire to have another baby is so strong, so overpowering, and it's just not 'easy' anymore?  You either give up, or you try something new.  We tried something new.

IVF.  That word scared the shit out of me.  Basically you are paying a doctor a lot of money to give you a 50/50 chance at becoming pregnant.  Not to mention the months of meds and shots you have to give yourself just to prepare your body for a "pre-meditated pregnancy".  I didn't know if I was strong enough to do it, but I knew one thing;  I wanted a baby.  And I was prepared to do anything in my power to make it happen.

Fast forward 2 more years, and here we are, celebrating our twins' 1st birthday.  The road to get here has definitely not been easy.  But it was the road we were meant to take.  These girls were meant to be a part of our family, and we would not have gotten them on our own.  Thank God for modern medicine.  The ache I had in my heart for those 3 years is now gone.  I no longer feel like something is missing.  I don't have that empty feeling in my gut anymore.  We definitely aren't your typical family, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

Also, in case you were wondering, this is what 12 grand looks like!!

Getting excited to meet the Big Man In Red!

We are those parents.  The ones who get more excited than their kids to get all dressed up to go to the mall, stand in line for an eternity just to get a 2 minute melt-down picture with the Big Guy!  And I CANNOT wait!!

I have C & C's outfits all ready to go, I just need them to wake up from their naps to try them on and make sure it looks okay. (In case you don't know me, I have a slight obsession with baby fashion!) Here's what I've come up with, opinions welcome! Unless your opinions suck, in which case, you can keep them to yourself!! lol!

Reindeer sweaters and red jeggings from Baby Gap, leopard booties from Pottery Barn Kids, and bows from one of our favorite Instagram shops @littlemisskinlee!  

Of course, like a good mom, I'm making my older boys Z & D be in the picture too, they just don't know it yet! So my next mission is finding them something equally as cute/handsome to wear in the picture too.  Stay tuned for more Santa outfit updates!!!  xoxo

Unicorns & STD's

Today is the day people, and I am running around like a crazy woman!  Hair in a pony tail- which isn't so easy since I chopped it all off 2 days ago, mis-matched hoodie and sweats, no make-up and going on my 3rd cup of coffee.  I hate party planning.  It never comes together like I envision it, but since the girls turn 1 today, I figure I better throw a kick-ass first birthday party!

Our theme is Tinkerbell and Periwinkle, you know, the twin sisters from "Secret of the Wings"! I wanted to Pinterest the shit out of this party, but that is not gonna happen!  It will still be super cute, just not the amazing spectacle that I had imagined.  Mostly because I'm a procrastinator.  As I am typing, the hubbs is hanging streamers.  We have 160 balloons to blow up--by ourselves, a cake to pick up, a house to clean, a year-in-review iMovie to complete, on top of a hundred other tasks to get done.  I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

When did birthday parties become so extreme?  I remember when I was little I used to have my parties at McDonald's where we would spoon-feed each other ice cream as fast as we could for party games! Nowadays, if you don't have your birthday kid make an entrance on a flying unicorn, with trumpets playing in the background, you're a horrible person!  That's ok, I don't have time for flying unicorns and trumpets.  The girls will have an amazing party with lots of family and friends and they will be SO spoiled, I'm sure!  I'll save the unicorns for when they turn 16 ;)

Here are their birthday invitations!  I think they turned out A-dorable!  We found them on etsy!

On a side note, my 13 year old son brought home a note from school that we have to sign and send back giving him permission to learn about abstinence and STD's in his health class--Awesome!

xoxo