I was 28. Divorced. A single mom, raising 2 little boys all on my own. I'd say that I was at a very low time in my life. I didn't have much, but we were making it. Dylan was only 4 and Zack was 6. I had moved back in with my parents because I was no longer able to support my little family on my own. Thank God for parents. I had decided that I needed to get the boys involved in some sort of activity. Something to keep them active and out of trouble, right? My mom had suggested to me that I sign the boys up for karate. Perfect! I made the call, scheduled their first lesson, fell in love with their Instructor, like literally, fell in love! Although he was able to resist my advances at first, eventually he caved and we went out on our first date. We were married 7 months later! Crazy, right??
So there we were, our little family of four. Jeff had no kids of his own and I had this feeling in my gut that just wouldn't quit, I knew I wanted more kids, I was meant to have more kids. When we finally decided the time was right for us to start trying, I think we were both a little shocked at how fast it actually happened. Like, crazy shocked! We were thrilled to be expecting our own little babe, something we had created together. I felt full of love, full of the life that was growing inside me. I was happy. Until I was 18 weeks. We lost our little baby at 18 weeks, and it was the absolute most horrible thing that I have been through in my life. How did this happen? Why me? What had I done to deserve this? These were all questions that ran through my head over and over again. We later found out that it had been a little girl, and there was no answer to why it had happened. The hundreds of dollars spent on medical tests couldn't even tell us why it happened. We were both shattered. Devastated. Empty.
Over the next 3 years Jeff and I would struggle with infertility. We did test after test, and everything kept coming back "normal". We did several rounds of fertility drugs, along with 3 rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination), before we finally decided that we were going to take the plunge with IVF. We were scared, but optimistic. (You can read all about my IVF journey in my previous posts!) We ended up transferring 2 little embryos, who are now our 6 month old baby girl twinkies - Cali and Capri! We have been so blessed with these 2 babies, let me tell you! They are seriously the perfect ending to my little story...
...if this had been the ending. But honestly, I feel like my life is just beginning in so many ways. At 34 years old, I am finally starting to feel that my life has purpose. That I am meant to be here, in this exact place, at this exact time. Is that weird? Maybe. But I'm ok with weird. I'm ok with the crazy. I'm ok with all of it, because it's where I choose to be.
At this point in my life, I am finally starting to do the things I have always wanted to do, but never thought I could. I love to write, and guess what? I'm writing. I'm using the inspiration from my little girls to write kids books, because it's something I have always wanted to do. I'm taking on new business ventures, which is another thing that I never thought I would be doing in a million years. I am meeting new people, sharing my passion, and I love it! Every single day, I love it! I started an online shop selling the clothes that my girls grow out of, another thing that I never thought I would be doing, but I am! And I adore the friendships I have made with other moms out there doing the same thing.
I guess the point of this post is to remind you that no matter where you are in life, it's never too late to find something you love, and run with it. Run your ass off! Do big things. Be different. Stand out. Make a difference.
I plan to keep this blog updated weekly with anything from family, to twins, to trials, to products that I love, maybe some that I don't. Random things here and there, because that's how I roll lately. Welcome to my crazy!
Looks great, Nikkee! I love that picture of the boys with the girls. Cuteness!
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