We can do hard things

This weekend has been very bitter sweet.

On the one hand I feel so lucky and so thrilled to be in San Diego this weekend for an awesome Lemondropper workshop. It was amaze-balls! I got to meet up with some of my fellow Droppers, and meet some new ones as well.  These women are so empowering and so inspiring!  We even got a glance at Lady GaGa, yep she's staying at the same resort that we are at!

I learned so much information and I am so excited that I can hardly stand it!! (Insert excited girly squeal!)  I love hearing stories from other people about why they are here, what is bringing us all together in this unbelievable movement.  Because that's what I feel we are all a part of, this movement.  This thing that is so much bigger than us all, but that we are all wanting to share with everyone we know!  Hearing the speeches and heartfelt stories from these women and leaders is invaluable to me.  

Now, the hard part.  

I miss my girls and my boys and my husband terribly.  I miss baby smell, and stinky baby feet, baby smiles and baby laughs.  I miss my husbands hugs and words of encouragement.  I miss hearing my boys come in the garage door and telling me about their day at school.  I missed my son's soccer try outs and school Wax Museum.  It's hard to be a mom to these little people and to be away from them. Luckily my husband sends me pictures like this to make me smile while I'm away!

My husband. 

Seriously, how did I get so lucky??  Not only is he managing the twins on his own while I'm gone for the weekend, but he is doing it with flying colors!  The guy deserves like a purple heart or something!    He's stepping up to do all of the hard things that I can't right now.  Our kiddos are so lucky!!  But my heart hurts for my husband tonight.  Because today he closed an important chapter in his life and I feel horrible that I am not there to help him.  Today he closed down one of his karate studios.  He puts his blood and sweat into his students and his studios, but we couldn't keep this one going any longer, and he had to say goodbye.  That's a pretty big deal.  I know that all of this is happening for a reason.  It's no coincidence to me that we are closing this door at the same time we are walking into another.  It's that crazy ride I was talking about, that we don't seem to have control of.  Seeing this picture of the empty studio kinda hit me in the gut.  But we can do hard things.  And we can make it.  We will make it. 

So now that today is over with, I'm taking some of my best friends, and we are going to bed.  Valor and Cedarwood for a good night's sleep, Stress Away to calm my mind, and Deep Relief because my freaking shoulders are killing me!  

See y'all back in the S.L.C.!!

XOXO

Nikkee

One pair of Big Girl Panties, please!

So, for as long as I can remember, I have never been that girl. The girl to be adventurous, to step out of the norm, to do things that might not be considered main-stream. I always play it safe, I play by the rules and I color inside of the lines. Well guess what people?? All of that stuff just screams BORING!

My life seems to be taking on a gravitational pull lately that I have no control over. I feel like I am just along for the ride. But ironically enough, it also feels comfortable. It feels safe. It's like I have been sitting at the same bus stop for 34 years, waiting for a ride that never shows up. Until now. My ride is here and I am friggin' thrilled! I may not be in control, and I might be a little scared, but that goes along with the whole stepping out-of-the-box thing, right??

This weekend I am getting on a plane, by myself, and spending the weekend with a bunch of strangers who all have 1 thing in common: People. We are all passionate about helping people. Educating people. And loving people.

So I'm sitting here packing up my suitcase, Big Girl Panties included! Because my ride is here, and I ain't about to miss it!!


XOXO

Nikkee

Let's start from the very beginning...

First of all, I can't believe that it has been a year since my last post. Where has the time gone? I wanted to do a quick little recap for any new readers, of what I have been through in the last 6 years of my life that has led me to where I am today.

I was 28. Divorced. A single mom, raising 2 little boys all on my own. I'd say that I was at a very low time in my life. I didn't have much, but we were making it. Dylan was only 4 and Zack was 6. I had moved back in with my parents because I was no longer able to support my little family on my own. Thank God for parents. I had decided that I needed to get the boys involved in some sort of activity. Something to keep them active and out of trouble, right? My mom had suggested to me that I sign the boys up for karate. Perfect! I made the call, scheduled their first lesson, fell in love with their Instructor, like literally, fell in love! Although he was able to resist my advances at first, eventually he caved and we went out on our first date. We were married 7 months later! Crazy, right??

So there we were, our little family of four. Jeff had no kids of his own and I had this feeling in my gut that just wouldn't quit, I knew I wanted more kids, I was meant to have more kids. When we finally decided the time was right for us to start trying, I think we were both a little shocked at how fast it actually happened. Like, crazy shocked! We were thrilled to be expecting our own little babe, something we had created together. I felt full of love, full of the life that was growing inside me. I was happy. Until I was 18 weeks. We lost our little baby at 18 weeks, and it was the absolute most horrible thing that I have been through in my life. How did this happen? Why me? What had I done to deserve this? These were all questions that ran through my head over and over again. We later found out that it had been a little girl, and there was no answer to why it had happened. The hundreds of dollars spent on medical tests couldn't even tell us why it happened. We were both shattered. Devastated. Empty.

Over the next 3 years Jeff and I would struggle with infertility. We did test after test, and everything kept coming back "normal". We did several rounds of fertility drugs, along with 3 rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination), before we finally decided that we were going to take the plunge with IVF. We were scared, but optimistic. (You can read all about my IVF journey in my previous posts!) We ended up transferring 2 little embryos, who are now our 6 month old baby girl twinkies - Cali and Capri! We have been so blessed with these 2 babies, let me tell you! They are seriously the perfect ending to my little story...

...if this had been the ending. But honestly, I feel like my life is just beginning in so many ways. At 34 years old, I am finally starting to feel that my life has purpose. That I am meant to be here, in this exact place, at this exact time. Is that weird? Maybe. But I'm ok with weird. I'm ok with the crazy. I'm ok with all of it, because it's where I choose to be.

At this point in my life, I am finally starting to do the things I have always wanted to do, but never thought I could. I love to write, and guess what? I'm writing. I'm using the inspiration from my little girls to write kids books, because it's something I have always wanted to do. I'm taking on new business ventures, which is another thing that I never thought I would be doing in a million years. I am meeting new people, sharing my passion, and I love it! Every single day, I love it! I started an online shop selling the clothes that my girls grow out of, another thing that I never thought I would be doing, but I am! And I adore the friendships I have made with other moms out there doing the same thing.

I guess the point of this post is to remind you that no matter where you are in life, it's never too late to find something you love, and run with it. Run your ass off! Do big things. Be different. Stand out. Make a difference.

I plan to keep this blog updated weekly with anything from family, to twins, to trials, to products that I love, maybe some that I don't. Random things here and there, because that's how I roll lately. Welcome to my crazy!