This is what 12k looks like

Why do we as women have such a strong desire to have babies?  I know not every woman feels this way, but the ones who do know exactly what I'm talking about.  It's a deep, burning desire that is only filled by a tiny little flicker of a heartbeat inside of your body.  The heartbeat of a little babe.

I got pregnant with Z when I was 20, and with D when I was 23.  It was easy.  Effortless, really.  My sons were my whole world and I loved them more than anything.  Still do.  But I took for granted how easy these babies were brought into my life.  We decided we wanted kids, and we had kids.

Fast forward 10 years, a new life, a new husband, and along with that, a new desire had risen in me to have another baby.  My husband didn't have any children of his own, and we knew right away that we both wanted a baby together.  We decided to start trying the month after we were married, and guess what?  We got pregnant the very first month!  I know, over-achievers! "Whew, that was easy!"  Except that it wasn't.  We lost that sweet little life at 18 weeks and we were beyond devastated.  I felt completely empty.  Alone.  Lost.

Fast forward 3 years, countless medical tests and procedures, and there we were, no answers and no baby.  So what do you do when your desire to have another baby is so strong, so overpowering, and it's just not 'easy' anymore?  You either give up, or you try something new.  We tried something new.

IVF.  That word scared the shit out of me.  Basically you are paying a doctor a lot of money to give you a 50/50 chance at becoming pregnant.  Not to mention the months of meds and shots you have to give yourself just to prepare your body for a "pre-meditated pregnancy".  I didn't know if I was strong enough to do it, but I knew one thing;  I wanted a baby.  And I was prepared to do anything in my power to make it happen.

Fast forward 2 more years, and here we are, celebrating our twins' 1st birthday.  The road to get here has definitely not been easy.  But it was the road we were meant to take.  These girls were meant to be a part of our family, and we would not have gotten them on our own.  Thank God for modern medicine.  The ache I had in my heart for those 3 years is now gone.  I no longer feel like something is missing.  I don't have that empty feeling in my gut anymore.  We definitely aren't your typical family, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

Also, in case you were wondering, this is what 12 grand looks like!!