Does Bad Apple Always Equal Bad Parent?

Brace yourselves people, because I'm about to question something that we as a society have been saying over and over for years and years, you know the quotes: "Your children will become what you are, so be what you want them to be." Do you know who said this infamous quote? No? Neither did I.  So I looked it up. His name is David Bly, a politician from Minnesota. Here's another one: "A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone", said Billy Graham, a Christian evangelist. And then there's the old German proverb: "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I call bullshit.  Someone picked my apples from my tree and chucked them so far away from my tree that I can't even see my apples anymore.  

These quotes drive me crazy because they are very good at making parents like me feel like we are doing the most horrible job, raising the most horrible people on the planet Earth, who will one day inevitably grow up to take our place as the most horrible person on planet Earth, and pass the title on to their children, and their children's children, and so on. Can we just stop with these quotes for a minute, please? While I do agree that to some extent that our children are learning from us, I'm fully convinced that children must also have a switch or a button somewhere in their brain that changes them from our sweet, innocent, little babies, into big babies whose vocabulary changes into only 1 word; "me! me! me!"  

So I ask, what about us parents who are doing everything in our being to show our kids how to be responsible, independent, amazing adults, and our kids take a crap on our examples like yesterday's trash? What about us parents who take the time everyday to explain to our kids the difference between right and wrong, who try to show our kids that the world doesn't revolve around them, that there are actually other people who inhabit this planet. Us parents who don't buy our kids every single thing they ask for? Us parents who put our kids in charge of their own laundry to evoke a sense of responsibility, and we haven't seen them do a load of laundry in weeks. What about us parents who try to involve our kids in fun family activities like pumpkin picking, cookie baking, movie watching, christmas-music listening, christmas-tree decorating, neighbor helping, family helping, volunteering, to instill all of those warm fuzzies so that said children don't grow up feeling neglected and resentful? What about us? We do our damnedest every day to show our kids respect, humility, humbleness, responsibility, accountability, kindness, all the goods, but our children still can't get past the fact that this life is about more than just them. Please cut us parents some slack and realize that we are doing everything in our power to raise self-sufficient, kind, loving adults. And please don't blame us if they don't turn out to be exactly like your quotes say they should be. 

To all of the parents out there who feel like you've lost your apples,  I want to share with you one of my favorite sayings about parenting. This helps me get through the days where I feel like squishing up my apples and making a heaping bowl of applesauce!

"I am NOT your friend. I am your parent. I will stalk you. Flip out on you. Lecture you. Drive you insane. Be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed, because I LOVE YOU. When you understand that, I will know you're a responsible adult who will never find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than me. This is my promise to you." 

Guess who said this one? Author unknown. Whoever came up with this, you are brilliant, and I have the feeling you were going through some of these same times in your life too. So, thanks for keeping it real. 

Never Stop Being The Guy With Barbie Dolls In His Pockets

Tonight I found myself at Target, which is where I'm found most Sundays.  Whether it's to wander around aimlessly kid-free for a bit to get my head straight for Monday, or to grab a few last minute items needed for the week ahead, which tonight included hair gel, shampoo and conditioner, and milk.

But tonight's trip was different.  Every aisle I went up I kept running into this young couple, probably in their early 20's.  In their cart sat a tiny toddler, maybe 2 years old.  The little girl was of course doing toddler things; screaming, whining, gabbing, but what kept catching me off guard was the way this guy was talking to his wife (yes, they both had rings on so I'm assuming this was a husband and wife and their baby girl).  I ran into them in the shampoo aisle and she was admiring some headbands, commenting on how cute she thought her hair would look styled with one of them.  I sat there shopping, ok eavesdropping, as he said to her; "babe, you know what?  We aren't leaving this store without one of those headbands.  I'm serious, you will look beautiful!"  It tugged at my heart. Up and down the aisles he followed her while she did her aimless shopping.  Make up, finger nail polish, you could tell that he was just happy to be there, toddler-mess and all.  She was the only woman in Target to him tonight.

I finished up my shopping and was at the register, when I heard the infamous song from Frozen, "Let it Go" start playing.  I looked around trying to find where the music was coming from and as I walked toward the exit, there it was.  The same couple was walking out in front of me.  The guy was holding the toddler in one hand.  His other hand was wrapped tightly around his wife.  He leaned in and kissed her hard on her temple.  She rested her head on his shoulder.  And there in his back pocket were Anna and Elsa barbie dolls, singing "Let it go.  Let it go.  Don't hold it back anymore".  This was love at it's finest.

I guess my reason for feeling the need to blog about this is because marriage is hard.  Like, real damn hard.  Families are hard.  Struggles are hard and usually daily.  Running businesses and being a grown up and paying bills are all hard.  But I think at some point, we were all this same couple once. Madly in love, the only 2 people in the store, the couple that people watched adoringly.  Sometimes you show up at Target on a Sunday night, just to be reminded that this couple still exists.  We can all be that couple, if we choose to be.  So ladies, rest your heads on your dude's shoulder.  And dudes, never stop being the guy who carries around barbies in his back pocket.  xoxo